Trained Catholic exorcists in the US

As the number of trained Catholic exorcists has grown in the United States, nutrition and energy bar sales have risen with a correlation of 0.992, producing what may be the most theologically confusing scatter plot in the history of statistics. The demons are cast out, the protein is consumed, and the chart suggests they are the same phenomenon. One pictures an exorcist cracking open a Kind Bar between rituals, which is almost certainly what happens but was not supposed to be the takeaway.

Trained exorcists grew from about 12 to over 175 between 2005 and 2021 as the Vatican expanded its training programs. Energy bars grew from about 2.5 billion to over 7 billion dollars. Both are smooth upward curves driven by entirely different forces: exorcist growth reflects a conservative turn in Catholic practice, while energy bars reflect the snacking and fitness economy. Nine data points of two growing trends produce a high correlation by shape alone.

Nine years of exorcists and energy bars is the second-most entertaining paranormal correlation on this site (after exorcists and hot sauce), and it carries the same lesson: two things growing in the same decade will correlate regardless of whether one involves the Holy Spirit and the other involves whey protein. The rite is performed, the wrapper is torn, and the correlation is spiritually and nutritionally empty.