Trained Catholic exorcists in the US

As Americans have insured more pets, more Catholic exorcists have been trained, a correlation of 0.985 that connects animal welfare to spiritual warfare with the protective confidence of two professions dedicated to safeguarding beings that cannot advocate for themselves. The vet bill is covered, the demon is confronted, and the chart treats both forms of intervention with the equal-opportunity precision of a coefficient that does not distinguish between a dog's ACL and a human's soul.

Pet insurance grew from about 850,000 to over 4.4 million policies between 2005 and 2021. Exorcists grew from 12 to over 175. Both are smooth upward curves: pet insurance because of veterinary cost inflation and pet humanization, exorcists because of Vatican expansion. Nine data points, two growing trends, same result. The connection between insuring dogs and training exorcists is approximately zero, but the chart sees only shape.

Nine years of pet insurance and exorcists is the latest installment in the exorcist correlation series, and it is perhaps the most theologically rich: both practices involve protecting the vulnerable from unseen threats, one veterinary and one spiritual. The policy activates, the rite begins, and the chart draws a line between them that the theologians and the actuaries would both find uncomfortable.