Per capita bottled water consumption

As Americans have drunk more bottled water, more of them have choked on food, a correlation of 0.990 that is ironic given that water is the universally recommended remedy for choking—or at least for washing food down before it becomes a problem. The water flows, the food lodges, and the chart suggests that hydration is not, in fact, the solution to everything. Eight data points, one very wet contradiction.

Bottled water consumption grew from about 40 to over 47 gallons per capita between 2014 and 2021. Choking deaths continued their aging-driven rise. Eight points, both up, same result. Water is not a choking hazard. The elderly who choke on food are also the elderly who drink water. The demographics overlap in the broadest sense but the mechanism does not exist.

Eight years of bottled water and choking is a correlation that contains its own ironic antidote: the very substance that might prevent choking correlates perfectly with choking deaths. The water is consumed, the food is not, and the chart notes both with the mathematical precision of a coefficient that has never performed the Heimlich maneuver.