Deaths from falling out of bed in the US

As organic egg sales have grown in the United States, bed-fall deaths have risen with a correlation of 0.995, which at this point in the dataset is beginning to feel like bed-fall deaths correlate with everything that has gone up since 2005. The eggs are organic, the falls are tragic, and the coefficient is 0.005 away from perfection, which is roughly the margin between falling out of bed and staying in it.

Organic egg sales grew from a niche market to over 1.5 billion dollars as health-conscious consumers paid premiums for cage-free, pasture-raised eggs. Bed-fall deaths rose as the population aged. This is the same pattern seen across dozens of correlations with bed-fall deaths: any metric that has risen smoothly since 2005 will correlate near-perfectly with bed falls because the aging population produces a nearly perfect upward line. The organic eggs are bought by young health-conscious consumers; the bed falls happen to elderly patients. The correlation is a mathematical artifact of shared monotonic direction.

A correlation of 0.995 between organic eggs and bed falls is one more entry in the bed-fall correlation hall of fame—a monument to the fact that aging populations produce perfectly smooth upward curves that correlate with literally everything else that grows. The eggs are cage-free. The bed has no rail. The coefficient is free-range.