Avocado consumption per capita

As Americans have eaten more avocados per capita, more of them have died falling out of bed, a correlation of 0.993 that is either the most damning indictment of brunch culture or the most predictable entry in the bed-fall correlation catalog. Everything that has grown since 2005 correlates with bed-fall deaths, and avocados—the most millennial of fruits—are no exception. The toast is smashed, the body is fallen, and the chart approaches perfection with the determination of a data point that has found the avocado pit.

Avocado consumption grew from about 2 pounds per capita to over 8 pounds between 2005 and 2021, driven by the health food movement and the cultural canonization of avocado toast. Bed-fall deaths rose as the population aged. Both are smooth upward curves, and the correlation is inevitable. The avocado consumers (millennials) and the bed-fall victims (elderly) are entirely different demographics, connected only by the fact that both metrics increased monotonically during the same period.

Seventeen years of avocados and bed falls is peak bed-fall correlation energy: the most iconic rising food trend paired with the most reliable rising death statistic, producing a coefficient that is impressive, entertaining, and empty. The avocado ripens, the elderly fall, and the chart records both with the mathematical precision of a universe that does not read breakfast menus.